BlameThePixel!

"Excuse me, can I have that bullet back now?"

"Guess what guys, I just made out with that babe over there. She's hiding in that box right now"

"let's build a monorail"

"so YOU'RE the one who killed my brother by slowly ripping off his skin while drowning him in a vat of lemon juice!.....it's aweful nice of you to come, would you like some punch?"

"Hey, whats with all the black and sad faces?"

*Some guy goes up to the deceased and stuffs his hand up the dead's butt like a puppet*

"Well, Harry and I would like to thank you for stoppin' by, wouldn't we, Harry? I'll drink a glass of water while he responds!"

Spoiler (Click to Expand)

Ok, I've got a new one.

Real Vin Diesel Facts
See this link for Info: http://www.blamethepixel.com/f/t5922

Vin Diesel can hold his breath under a bath of beans for 10 minutes!

"Vin Diesel stole the cookies from the cookie jar, get em."

Vin Diesel is never actually heard, but instead he lip synchs to recordings of the voice of a retarded african midget with leprosy by the name of Jeff. In reality, Vin Diesel's voice, if ever heard by the human ear, would kill that human instantly and disolve their body into cherry-flavored jello powder.

incidentally, animals come by no harm upon hearing Vin Diesel's voice and Diesel often speaks to animals about sports and the growing problems in government.

That made absolutely, positively, no sense at all...

Vin Diesel does not actually exist. He is nothing more than a figment of your imagination. A mass hypnoses if you will. You see, the government created him to...
*Vin Diesel walks in and blows Glenn's head off*

And one actually from the site: "All Gmail invites must go through Vin Diesel."

The Vin diesel you see to day is not actually Vin Diesel but a Vin DIesel dummy- employed by Vin Diesel himself on a large salary to take over his public life. The real Vin Diesel is located in a retirement home in a classified location sucking humbugs and and flicking over the endless channels to see wether he is on TV.

Why not? It made sense to me and I thought it was funny!

Scientologist, that's what throws it off for me.

how about:
"vin diesel is simultaneously the founder and the deity of scientology. All prayers are answered with a recorded message that tell the prayee to look up the answer in a dictionary"

Considering that the word scientologist doesn't even exist, I still don't get the joke...



You know nothing. Diesel fuel is named after Vin Diesel, not the other way around! It says so on the site .

Now then, for some other nice *ahem* facts about Vin Diesel:

Vin Diesel has a 34% chance of reflecting any and all offensive spells cast on him.

Vin Diesel once drank a can of Red Bull. It gave him so many sets of wings that the universe hit it's character limit and crashed. He then had to push the master Ctrl-Alt-Delete keys to restart reality.

Vin Diesel is the cause of gravity. He picked 9.8 m/s for the gravitational constant because he deemed it to be "a fucking awesome number." And that was that.