BlameThePixel!

i also dont kill the thread:
Spoiler (Click to Expand)
EDIT: spoiler'd. ain't i'm nice to you?

Why did the cannibal get fired from his job at the biscuit company?
He was caught eating the crackas in the boardroom.

My uncle goes out in his boat with two other men, a woman and a little pot and comes back with crabs.
The woman comes back with a red snapper.

Why are women in Saudi Arabia like photographs?
Because they're kept in a dark room while they're still developing.

Some people say irony is a bitch.
Which is ironic, because bitches do ironing.


(And one for people who pay attention to current affairs down this end of the world):

Well at least David Tua put Samoa back on the map.

First guy: Haha man, I must've drunk a lot last night. I was pissing like a sprinkler.
Second guy: You mean you were squirting in short bursts?
First guy: No, I mean I was spraying all over your backyard and your daughter was jumping around in it in a bikini.

http://www.viddler.com/explore/vidisunrelated/videos/40/

How do you make a dead baby float?
One glass of root beer and two scoops of baby.

Jokes stolen from Playboy:

Despite the old saying 'Don't take your troubles to bed,' many men still sleep with their wives.

Alimony is a deal that enables a woman to profit from her mistakes.

An American college student backpacking through northern Europe picked up a blond at a bar and brought her back to his hostel to have sex. After he'd climaxed he asked her, "So, you finish?"
"No," she replied, so he started up again.
He came a second time and then asked, "You finish?"
Again she said no.
Once more he went at it, and after coming again, exhausted, he asked, "Now you finish?"
"No," she answered. "I'm Swedish"

Why did TheAbdBoy rate me down?
Because he's a dick.

Seriously though:

Bono, lead singer of the rock band U2, is famous throughout the entertainment industry for being more than just a little self righteous.

At a recent U2 concert in Glasgow, Scotland, he asked the audience for total quiet.

Then, in the silence, he started to slowly clap his hands, once every few seconds. Holding the audience in total silence, he said into the microphone, 'Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies.'

From the front of the crowd a voice with a broad Scottish accent pierced the quiet...

'Well, fuckin' stop doin' it then, ya evil bastard!'

What's the difference between a train carriage and a miscarriage?
You can't eat a train carriage.

edit: I already posted this one in the thread.

mmm fetus.

When I saw that Balloon Boy drama last week, I thought Michael Jackson had phoned in a takeaway order from heaven.

dear god i still cant stop laughing at this

kikumbob Said:
I spilled spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.
Budumm tssshh
[24.12.08 12:08 PM]

"A lot of Christians wear crosses around their necks. You think when Jesus comes back he ever wants to see a fucking cross? It's like going up to Jackie Onassis wearing a rifle pendant." - Bill Hicks

If women with huge breasts work at Hooters, where do the women with only one leg work?

IHOP.


I was walking along the pavement when I came upon a sign which said "Pavement ahead closed. Please use other side."
It made me cross.

What's the difference between a golf ball and an SUV?
Only the golf ball moves more than 300 yards when Tiger's driving.